Union Cannon, Gettysburg National Military Park
I hate to toot my own horn, but if I don't, no one else will.

The former superintendent at Gettysburg National Military Park is being reassigned because he used his Federal computer to look at pictures of naked women. While we can all speculate as to the morality of such a thing, it's important to note that this man probably--probably--wouldn't have gotten into trouble if he had simply logged into to view my "Safe For Work Hotties."

I only know of three people who have been fired or imprisoned for looking at my blogs, and all of them were in the Islamic Republic of Iran. I have created a niche--like hotties? Don't want to get in trouble with The Man? Check out my Safe For Work Hotties, sir. I can't guarantee that some blue-haired old scold won't freak out, but I can guarantee you this--all over the world, hundreds of members of the United States military look at my blogs and see hotties and they don't get in trouble and they aren't blocked on the Department of Defense networks. This is absolutely true--I have seen thousands of hits over the last year and a half from these networks. This is why I created the special Safe For Work Hotties blog and the Safe For Work Hotties gallerys. Why would I put it on the front page if I was ashamed? Why be uptight? It's the Internet. Calm down, Poindexter.

So, really, there's no need for this:

The superintendent of Gettysburg National Military Park told a newspaper he is being reassigned because U.S. Interior Department investigators discovered that he used his federal computer to view sexually explicit images.

John Latschar will begin Monday at the Historic Preservation Training Center in Frederick, Md., as a special assistant to the National Park Service's associate director for cultural resources.

Park service spokesman David Barna would not say why Latschar had been reassigned, calling it a personnel issue, but Latschar told the Evening Sun of Hanover he is being reassigned because of his misuse of the federal computer.

Latschar told the newspaper that "there's no excuse" for his behavior. He said he was "going through some rough personal and professional times" from 2004 to 2006, when he used his computer to search online for the images, which he said were like those found in a Playboy magazine.

Latschar didn't immediately return a message left by The Associated Press at his Gettysburg park office. Latschar, in an e-mail to park employees obtained by the AP, apologized but did not mention the images.

"As I say goodbye to all you good folks, I would like, once again, to offer you my heartfelt apologies for what has happened," Latschar wrote. "My greatest sorrow is the embarrassment I have brought upon my family, my friends, and you - my former employees - of whom I have always been so proud."

I'm sad that I couldn't help him. I'm sad that I wasn't around during that period to have my blogs assuage his feelings of loneliness and all that. I'm sorry that more people aren't catching on, but I don't worry about that. I started in the middle of nowhere with nothing and I've come a million miles since then.

I mean, how can you look at this:



And this:



And this:



And this:



And not feel better?

I realize I exclude the ladies, but, in point of fact, there are Safe For Work Hunk blogs. If I could find one, I'd hook you up, girlfriend. I'm not a good judge of male beauty. I know the ladies, and I know what works, and I've had many a lesbian tell me that my eye is pretty good. So I'm not being difficult on purpose--I just don't have an eye for putting up pictures of hunks.

I use a basic standard--if it's roughly the same thing you can see in Maxim or FHM, I put it up. I have my son go and find the pictures and crop them and rebalance them because most sites balance the photos so that the flesh is red hot. I prefer to balance things a little cooler than that.

If it's something naughty, I run with it provided there's no nudity. I love portraits. I think you could see what you see here on television, easily, so I don't feel guilty. I don't worry so much about using images illegally--I comment on them and I consider what I do fair use because I'm using a snippet of the material as a whole, and I'm using the fully-clothed images that are more artistic. If anyone asks me to take something down, I'm happy to oblige (hasn't happened yet). If anyone asks for a link, happy to oblige. If someone is offended, I shall do my best to put things right. I have tried to get away from famous actresses and models, and I have tried to use models that you may not have heard of or who are from the "blue movie" realm because, let's face it, the women you find in the adult industry are genuinely beautiful. Were it not for the fact that they can't deliver a line without stammering in an Eastern European accent, they'd be on network television. And, for the record, Jennifer Stone is better looking than Jennifer Aniston.

By and large, I realize that it isn't everyone's cup of tea, but so what? I'm here to entertain myself as much as I am to do something different, and, brother, this blog is different. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I bring it and I leave it, and I don't care what anyone thinks.